Is it possible to discover new facets in a partner and keep the sharpness of the first nights after years of marriage? The experts are sure yes. So what are the benefits of having sex in a long-term relationship?
1. WE KNOW EACH OTHER
The road to good sex can take years. Changing partners often means starting over.
“In a one-night stand or short-term romance, sex is like a touring show,” says sex therapist Mike Lausada. – You try to show the best, but you do not get to the real closeness with your partner. And the excitement prevents you from relaxing and completely surrendering to the sensations.”
In a long-term relationship, stress goes away (we get used to waking up next to the same person). All our vulnerabilities and angularities, which we try to disguise at first, will sooner or later become visible. “As soon as we weaken our defenses, it’s time to explore and discover,” the expert adds.
“Trust is especially important when it comes to sex,” says psychotherapist Simon Jacobs. – The more you trust your partner, the easier it is to be yourself. This can be done only by freeing oneself from inhibitions and bashfulness.
Permanent relationships provide the level of security that allows you to open up without fear of judgment and misunderstanding. In addition, you can always discuss your desires and agree on the boundaries. ”
3. WE CAN DO IT QUICKLY
When we’ve done this hundreds of times, each new intimacy is no longer as exciting as it was in the first months after starting a relationship. But this has its own beauty – we can not take sex too seriously. And do it when you want, without a preliminary plan, romantic atmosphere and inner mood.
4. AND SECRETLY FROM OTHERS
Children appear, and we are no longer so free in choosing the time and place to have sex. You have to seize the moment and be creative, and you can find pleasure in that too.
“You know that children go to the tutor every Sunday, and you look forward to when the door closes behind them and the whole house is at your disposal,” says psychotherapist Christine Weber. – You seem to find yourself again in the role of teenagers who are forced to hide from their parents. It is exciting.”
5. WE REMEMBER EACH OTHER IN THE BEST SHAPE
As we age, we see changes in our body and understand that it is no longer so attractive. But the benefit of a permanent relationship is that the changes in your partner’s appearance are not so striking.
This does not mean that we deliberately try to ignore the folds and scars on the body of a loved one, says psychotherapist Wendy Bristow. Here the peculiarity of our memory is to create an image of a person from our feelings for him, and not from current information. More than once I have heard older men say, “She is still that charming girl that I once fell in love with.”
6. WE DISCOVER TRUE CLOSENESS
“You can have violent sex with a stranger, but then you go back to an empty house, and it won’t be so great,” notes Christine Weber. “Most of the women I have come across in my practice end up yearning to find someone with whom you can not only have an orgasm, but also chat, fool around, share your innermost.”
When sex is based on what psychologists call true, authentic love, when physical pleasure is inseparable from sensual attachment, we get much more from it.
7. WE GO THROUGH ALL THE PROBLEMS TOGETHER
“I have worked with couples who have survived together with prostate and breast cancer,” says Emma Waring, psychosexual therapist, “and these are excellent examples of a family team.
They went through a period where they could not have sex because it was too painful, and besides, those parts of the body that previously brought them pleasure no longer worked and did not look the same as before. But they got over it because they want to have sex.
When you are young, you have a lot of sexual energy and your body listens to you, but be prepared for the fact that this will not always be the case. If you have a partner who loves and supports you, you are more likely to face the challenges that life brings, and ultimately find new sources of pleasure that you never knew existed.”